Humble-tide

The Winter Solstice Window, Her Wisdom Comes Around Again

I’m writing at almost 7 am, by the light of the moon. I am wearing my blue-light blocking glasses while I squint down at my keyboard, barely able to bear the intensity of the screen.

I went pretty hard this Fall—entrepreneuring, homeschooling, drinking black tea, (hey, it’s all relative) and when it was time for the holiday pause, my body and mind took advantage.

Not in any real dramatic way, thankfully, but in an undeniable way. When the lessons learned from years before, come back around, and I am grateful to live through them in this older body. The burnout was real, the hormones reflected that, and I had a really rough last luteal phase and bleed. Short cycle, depression and anxiety, hot flashes and night sweats - oh, it’s coming! And then, the dreadful quick yet potent violence that is the stomach bug.

The humble-pie of the body. The beautiful mirror we get to live.

With the Ayurveda perspective in me, I can see the power of the body’s wisdom: vamana for the whole fam as we enter into Kapha season. And also, out of my control partly because I was too busy or distracted this Fall to do my own panchakarma.

But this is definitely not a piece of writing about self-judgement, nor dwelling on missed opportunities.

The spiritual potency of this time of year is something I am grateful for every year, As a child, the magic was strong around Christmas and Santa and gifts and the mystery of it all. And now, I feel it rising in me, even though those cultural myths are of my own making.

The reinvigoration I have to pray at my altar. To make gifts to the elementals where I live. To breathe. To meditate. To write.

When the solar energy is at its lowest around Winter Solstice, I usually feel super dark. My mood, outlook, energy and vitality drop, see above. And this year instead of fighting my way out of it, per usual, I allowed myself the slow climb.

So many of my colleagues and friends tell me ‘Happy New Year!’ then give a postscript that reads something like ‘butiknowtherealnewyearstartsinspring.’ First, I am not judging; thank you for wishing me a happy new year! Second, yes, there are ALWAYS opportunities for new beginnings. The Celtic Wheel of the Year provides so many points of energy to make meaning and ritual with, as do many other time-calculating systems (calendars) from different cultures.

And third, I do think this is a time of beginnings. Small, unseen, yet undeniable energy shifts. Taking the wheel of the year perspective, it is Samhain that is the time of death and decay. And then there is a whole six weeks in liminal space, between life and death, between ending and beginning, before Winter Solstice. And yes, though it is the darkest time of the year, and there is real concern about the waning solar power - no doubt about it here in Northern Vermont - it is a fertile darkness.

Like the first weeks or months of pregnancy, when it is a mystery to all except the mother (and perhaps even she) yet there has been a sea change within. A potent ball of light, of prana, multiplying fractally yet on the microcosmic level, which will change the course of karma and destiny for many beings.

Hope returns with the minute increments of light. The feeling or awareness of this shift could dissolve, to return again. Yet the pulse of the sun will inevitably increase for months to come.

It’s humbling to hit moments that feel like bottom, and yet, without those experiences, I don’t know if I would be fully participating in the dance. I dread those times, and yet, in the rising up I find it’s easier to choose my higher self. And, I am grateful to be on the upside of things (for now.) ☀️